Guest Post by Dylan O’Connell
Normally the plot summary goes here, but the title really speaks for itself. It’s Batman versus Superman! One of the greatest internet debates will be resolved in a two-and-a-half hour mess directed by Zack Snyder…yay?
This movie proved to be very divisive. I saw it once and determined that was enough for one lifetime, however a friend of mine saw it three times and his devotion to it confounds me (you know who you are). While I can understand the reasons why he stands by the movie, they are not enough to carry this depressing superhero film to greatness, or even adequateness.
The first misstep was not even made in the film itself, but the trailer that spoiled who the main villain/villains really were. At that point it became obvious that the v part of the title would last about thirty seconds before they settle their differences (for the most coincidental and lame reason of all time) and defeat the real evil. Lo and behold, the prophecy came true as the much hyped mechanical Batman suit clashed with the spandex sporting Superman for long enough to fill a television spot for the movie.
This movie is a turd, a turd that takes so long to squeeze out that it makes you think the toilet might be your final resting place. And length would be endurable if it at least felt good to squeeze it out, but no, it burns like spicy Chipotle on a blazing summer day in New Mexico. But Chipotle was not responsible for this monstrosity, Zack Snyder was. There is a drained color pallet, extended baffling dream sequences, and a general lack of fun that was desperately needed.
I need to mention the one redeeming quality of this movie, Ben Affleck’s Batman. There is an intensity to his character that is different from the rest of the staleness that pervades the movie; when he is present in a scene he demands your attention. Whether he is delivering a monologue as Bruce Wayne or beating Lex Luthor’s goons as Batman, he is an impressive hero. However, the movie managed to shoot itself in the foot even there. They just had to show Batman’s origin story once again and it is just unbearable; who doesn’t know that Bruce Wayne’s parents were shot by a street thug? That is an easy seventeen minutes of the film that could have been cut..
One final note, the retail release of the film will be an hour longer and rated R. I hope this double down on serious story telling pays off, because there were some genuinely good scenes (especially the few that actually contained a miniscule amount of humor), but I have some serious doubts.
1 out of 4 stars.
CHRISO RUINS MOVIES 